i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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