Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
