Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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