wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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