I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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