ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
