Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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