drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
