Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
