i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
