I got chris browned last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
