i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize