ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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