thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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