Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
