shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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