Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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