if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
