Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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