I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
