Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
