Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
