I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
