how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
