I just pynch a tree in the face
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
