my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
