I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
