He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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