it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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