Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
