I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
