Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
