What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
