4 words: hood of his car
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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