it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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