break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
