are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your penis caused this!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
