Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
