I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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