and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
