i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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