i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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