does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
