So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
