the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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