She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
