Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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