Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He kissed a someone with a penis
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
