Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
