DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
