Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
