Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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