Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
