We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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