I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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