Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
