There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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