Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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