I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
