you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
