I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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