yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
