dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
