The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
